| Night Stroll |
[4.12.05 - 7.03am] |
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"Take me to a place I've never been."
And I'd never thought that he'd actually go out and do it. We drove just a little outside of Edmonton, away from the city lights, because I had wanted to see the stars. I wanted an adventure, to do something that we hardly ever do. Even though I had been so many times to St. Albert, Alberta, he took me to this little area where I can appreciate the beauty of nature. This wasn't exactly what I had in mind. I had pictured that he'd take me to a farm, where the fields of grass go on endlessly. I always enjoyed long night strolls, especially at this time of year. I never really liked the idea going out to walk bathe in the sun.
I had such a blast with him. It was getting late, but the night was still young! I just wanted to have fun and it's always fun with him... it never matters to me wherever we go, just as long as he's there. It wasn't because of the environment around us that made our conversation so great, but I really admired his mental attitude toward life. I wasn't able to complete the tape that I was listening to last night though. I was starting to get annoyed at another friend. I was actually mad at a friend, but on the way back he had reminded me of having virtue impersonal unconditional love toward someone. Throughout the 6 years I've known him, he was really the only guy that I never stopped respecting. He's always been so wise, even without Bible doctrine. He admits that it really doesn't stimulate him every time he listens to my doctrinal tapes and he isn't the type to read books. I had, however, managed to share to him a lot of things that I learned from Thieme's and McLaughlin's tapes and books on our way back to Edmonton. I believe that he'd make a great doctrinal believer. He seems to respond so positively by everything that I say with regards to BD. I'm praying for him every night.
Anyhow, we actually picked up 2 of our friends that we never hung out with, just out of the blue, because they live in St. Albert. They were already in their jammies too. lol. They were both shocked that me and him were out so late. They even wondered what we were "doing" before that. Haha, isn't that shocking? No, it's just surprising.
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[2.19.05 - 11.29am] |
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mood |
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 grateful |
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I apologize about my previous entry. I usually don't let anyone else see me this way. I don't like when people see me mad. Anyway, those have been my feelings inside that had been building up inside of me. I don't want to be self-righteous and arrogant. All I want is for my mom to stop bugging the heck out of me so I can focus on my relationship with God. After all, this is a personal relationship. I've been quiet until now... about my faith toward God. I knew all along that it's useless to even talk to my mom who would not hear me out. I just don't want to waste my time blabbling on and on when I know that she's not even going to listen to what I have to say. I don't think anyone would understand what I'm going through unless they have Bible doctrine inculcated in their soul. Anyways, I've been blessed that God has brought upon me all these materials. It's a privilege and I have the opportunity to grow in His grace and knowledge. The more I get to know God, the more I fall in love with Him.
I woke up at 7 in the morning today to study Bible doctrine. I received my tapes from Grace Bible Church yesterday. I ordered the doctrine of Canonicity and the doctrine of Sabbath. I listened to the first part of Canonicity and I realized that I've improved on my concentration. I got a lot of the stuff in my left lobe and a bit in my right lobe as well. There's just so much to cover on this doctrine, and I'm excited to learn all these things. It's such a blessing to be learning Bible doctrine and to be exposed to the Word of God everyday. It's always the most exciting time of my day. I absolutely love learning about God and thinking that way that Jesus thought. I know that compared to people who have been under doctrinal teaching, I'm still a baby. I'm probably the most undisciplined believer in a doctrinal church, if only there's one in Edmonton. Actually, even if my pastor-teacher is not in the same geographical location as I am, I'm very blessed to have a great friend (who also listens to Bible doctrine) living in the same geographical location as I am. We may be 30-minutes away from each other, but the important thing is that we have each other. He made me realize this last night as we were studying together. I'm so ungrateful, that I take a lot of things for granted. I have him, even his mom and his uncle... and this wonderful girl who lives all the way in Houston, Texas that is so close to my heart. I love them all. They mean so much to me and they are very important to me. God has blessed me so much and I could not ask for more from Him. I think I'm just going to stay home today and just take it easy... God is awesome... =)
Out of all Christians, only 5% are positive toward doctrine, as I what I was told. It's probably lower though. And out of all that 5%, I have someone. David, Audrey, James, David's mom, and Uncle Tanny. I wish I could give them all a hug right now. =)
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| Just want to learn.... |
[2.17.05 - 7.05pm] |
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I'm still thinking about my argument with my mom last night while we were having supper. This was not the first time that we had argued about the same subject. Actually, this has been going on for quite a while now, but out of all the arguments that I've had with her, last night's argument would have to be the one that I will remember. Basically what we were arguing about is "religion." I was raised in a Christian family, from a Pentecostal denomination. Every since July 2004, I no longer considered myself a Pentecostal and since then I've been wanting to leave "Jesus is Lord Church," the church that I grew up in. It's the church where I learned the Gospel, and it's the church where I found my best friends. I love my church, but I disagree with the Pentecostal doctrine. That's not the only reason why I want to leave. I want to leave because I'm not learning anything. The church is very legalistic, in that they promote "spirituality by works," which is total blasphemy. They run around telling you to join ministries, especially to those people who just accepted Christ and know nothing about Scriptures. Oh it's a very friendly church, yeah. There's a lot of groups and social events, but I'm not interested in that nonsense. I just want to learn! Teach me something, for cryin' out loud! Majority of the members of this church are ignorant of their own doctrine. They teach that you can lose your salvation, as what majority of people who practice speaking in tongues believe. I'm not being blessed by whatever is being communicated from the pulpit. All I want them to do is to feed me with truth from the Word of Truth, not some made-up sugarcoated stuff that has nothing to do with what the Bible has to say. Teach me something. Be technical if you have to. Make me squirm. Show me the truth. Interpret the Bible from the time it was written.
Anyway, as what I was saying, this has been my attitude toward my family's church lately. I told my mom last night that I'm no longer attending that church. I'm better off sitting in front of my computer, listening to some online sermons and reading the books than actually fellowshipping with a bunch of hypocrites who think that their big pepsodine smile is the Christian way of life. I have my own church now, and it's a doctrinal church that teaches the Bible from the original languages. The reason that I go to church is to LEARN, not to fellowship and call everyone "brother" and "sister" and smile as though I really love them. It's all a bunch of nonsense. I'm not changing my personality and be a people person. Cos the real Kristine is not a people person. They have no right to tell me to change my personality. Every believer comes with different personalities. I'm not going to my family's church and fake a smile and pretend that I care and love them. Show me some doctrine! I want to grow. I want to learn more about God!
This, my friend, is the reason why my mom has been upset with me lately. But funny thing is, my dad stood up for me. I'll never forget my dad's words. "What if later on we find out that what our daughter is learning is right? And we're the ones that are wrong? And vice versa. You [my mom] should be more objective. Leave your daughter alone. She's old enough to make her own decisions. Your mother didn't force you to remain a Catholic when you decided to accept Christ as your personal savior. Before you look at your daughter, look at yourself first! You're the one who doesn't know anything! You're condemning another Christian. It doesn't matter if she's your daughter or not. She's a Christian! You should read your Bible before you open your mouth, otherwise just shut up and eat!"
Heh... my mom still didn't shut her mouth though. She continued to mock me, my doctrine, my faith... I just kept my mouth shut... but I did open my mouth only to tell my dad on her. lol...
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| What I did yesterday |
[2.16.05 - 3.01pm] |
I'm seriously good at wasting my time, don't you think? Anyways, at least the times I spent wasting my time are worth it. Still, it's my own fault 'cos it was my own negative decision.
human viewpoint says, "you're better than that... how could you do that?"
divine viewpoint says, "you're (your human flesh/sin nauture) getting worst, so walk by means of spirit (new nature)..."
I'm only human. A human believer. And just like every believer I am capable of committing even the grossest sin on earth. But b/c of "Rebound" I can simply move on, isolate my sin, forget my sin, and move ahead... There is a nature in me that cannot sin and I try to live in this nature most of the time.
The worst person in the world is a Christian.
The best person in the world is a Christian.
I'm definitely not one of the best Christians out there.
But I can't let one "overt sin" ruin my spiritual life. I commit "mental attitude sins" every day and I don't let that phase me, so why should an "overt sin" affect me? Sin is sin in the eyes of God.
ack... I really can't write properly as I am at work.
Anyways, yesterday I went out to eat with my friends. There was actually a lot of us. Yesterday was Jamille's last night in Edmonton. She is leaving tonight at 7 and I will be there to drop her off to the airport. We went out for Wings! Yummm... It was me, Joal, Jordan, Mariz, Jamille, Joni, Jenny, Iris, Jonjon, and Rick. I'll write more about that as Friends-Only.
=P
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| someday... |
[1.27.05 - 11.46pm] |
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mood |
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 tired |
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Someday I know that I will wake up one day with you next to me, holding me tight and promising me that you're never letting me go. Someday I know that you will come to be with me, to protect me, and to allow me to take care of you... Everyday I wait for you to enter my life, to join me in my dream, in my little world. Someday you will be here with me.... Someday I will stop waiting for you... and I know that someday I will stop counting the days of your absence.... I want you to come here and just stay with me... I long to see your face, to touch you and to love you...
...... blah blah blah.... I'm blahing.... =P *yawn* I'm just sleepy... G'night!
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[1.24.05 - 2.03pm] |
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mood |
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 gloomy |
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I am so not in the best of moods today...
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| Yay! |
[12.8.04 - 2.52pm] |
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mood |
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happy |
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The Boss gave us a Christmas Bonus, which means some extra anime for me this Christmas!!
I'll update more later. This is all for now. =P
Love ya,
Kristine
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| =) |
[11.18.04 - 12.48pm] |
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mood |
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cheerful |
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I finally have something to smile about.
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| Beach, I want you... |
[10.31.04 - 9.28pm] |
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mood |
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cheerful |
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Am in the mood for some deep thoughts yet again.
Sometimes I just wish that I could walk along the beach, walk barefoot along the soft sands, and just taking in the fresh air. I long for a sense of freedom, even for just a moment. I have this desire to just clear my head, erase all these painful emotions, and just lift up my arms in the air, spin around, go nuts, act crazy, be free... I want to be like a child again. I know that everyone has problems. But isn't it great that God doesn't give you anything more than you can handle? Every adversity is meant to teach us something. Its purpose is to strengthen us, and those who are faithful enough to stand firm develop their character. That's why I give thanks to God in every circumstance. God rules. He is always on my mind. I just smile, relax, and live a faith-rest life, because I know that God is in control.
Adversity can either make a person better or worse, but one thing is for sure - adversity never leaves us the same again.
I want the ocean now. What I miss the most about the Philippines is getting up at 5:00 in the morning, jog at Manila Bay, sit on a bench, eyes toward the endless sea and sky, waiting patiently for the rising sun. I used to do that with my dad a lot.
Life is funny.
Watching the sunrise is the best.
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| winter |
[10.22.04 - 11.27am] |
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mood |
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cold |
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So it's like winter here, and it's so undeniably depressing. I've gotta find a way to bathe in the sun and forget about the snow outside. heh. It's so dark, gray, and gloomy. The atmosphere is cold and uninviting. Everything else just seems so melancholic. When I stepped outside this morning, the cold air immediately wrapped around me unwelcomed... The cold air almost drowned me as the fierced wind whipped my hair. hehe... By the time I got to work, my hair was all messed up.
Well, the worst is still yet to come. Goodbye autumn... Hello winter...
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| Thanks Mai!! |
[5.12.04 - 2.30pm] |
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mood |
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happy |
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Thank you Mai (aka ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=88.8) littlemiah) for making a livejournal account with me! =)
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| Yay! |
[5.5.04 - 12.08am] |
Rena, thanks for making a livejournal with me!
Happy Birthday!
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